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biggest strength or greatest weakness or one in the same?

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imagine you are walking into an interview. As you sit down and get those “Hellos” and “How are yous” out of the way, it’s time for those lovely get-to-know-you questions we all love. Tell me about yourself, what are your hobbies, how is your work ethic, etc. They just go on and on. The question where we all probably waver is, “What is your biggest strength and your greatest weakness?”

At first, I like to think about what I am good at. I am a great listener, trustworthy, and caring. When I think about these qualities and more, one characteristic seems to encompass all of those: loyalty. Loyalty is trusting those close to you when times get tough. Listening and being there no matter what for those you care about. I always stand by my commitments and the decisions I make toward others. This is one quality I take pride in myself. But that doesn’t mean it can’t come back and bite me.

A part of that loyalty loves to give the benefit of the doubt. I put so much trust in my peers, mentors, family, and friends. I trust their best judgment even when maybe it may not be their best. In times of disagreement, No matter who either party is, there are always two sides to a narrative. There is what one perceives and what the other person sees. I try my best to understand the other side of the story and validate how another could be feeling. And this is what gets me.

Since I give it my all to understand the logic of another person, I love to hand out excuses and try to reason with others who might not understand. If you are not careful, this can turn into blind loyalty. I always want to see the good in others. I want to trust that people have my best intentions at heart, but the reality is you are the only one that you can trust.

Recently I got out of a situation that I thought was serving me. I was working with people I truly cared about and stayed out of love for them. But when I would get burned by whatever negative circumstance happened, I constantly repeated the excuses that were given to me, hoping things would get better. I saw the potential and greatness of what I was doing. But the repeated letdowns and empty promises started to outweigh the good.

I started to see physical responses to what was happening. I started falling out of love with what I was doing and experienced burnout. It was hard to get out of bed in the morning. I was constantly exhausted and emotional just about every day. My body was telling me I was done. I finally decided it was time to move on.

Even though I left for my betterment, a piece of my heart was still there. My loyalty stayed with those people. I continued to have connections and volunteered my time if they needed extra help because I still cared. I was still considered a part of the team even after taking my leave. It made me happy that all the loyalty I showed during my time there was still being considered after I left. But don’t expect that the same loyalty given will be received.

Loyalty often gives out. And it has nothing to do with you. People will forget all the times you have given your loyalty only to remember what you did on paper. We all continue to grow, and people will decide to do so without you. They may even do things that surprise you. But as long as you stay true to yourself and own who you are, people will truly see your heart.

So shifting back to that interview face-to-face with a complete stranger, my answer to that burning get-to-know-you question: My greatest strength is loyalty, and I am proud of that. That part of me has given me a lot of the best things in my life. But my loyalty is also my greatest weakness. It holds me back from making the decisions I need to make for a better tomorrow.

Think about your strengths and weaknesses. Can they be combined? We can be our best selves and our worst enemy but learning how to balance the two is when we live the life meant for us.

Finishing college “late” or I am just stupid?

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This is one question that has been stuck in my mind for the last year.

I started college in August of 2017 hoping to start my journey with a career in criminal justice. Since I was little, I have always wanted to solve crimes. Scooby Doo was one of my favorite tv shows, and I was obsessed with the game Clue. So I guess you could say this was the right major for me.

But I couldn’t more wrong.

I promise the classes were great and I loved learning all about how the criminal justice system works. But when looking at all the types of jobs I could have with this degree, nothing felt like it would be the right fit for me.

There are 3 areas of the criminal justice system: Law enforcement, corrections, and law. The ideal way to go (for me) would be to be a police officer and eventually become a detective to solve those crimes like I want to. But I know I am not the type of girl to carry a gun. I would consider working in the correctional facilities, but that requires a special type of backbone that I certainly do not have (insert round of applause to women correctional officers). If I even considered law school that would be more years of school when I just want to complete my 4 years and be done. So after coming to all those conclusions, I knew this major was not right for me.

I think one of the hardest decisions a college student has to make is changing their major. There is this pressure the world places on an 18-year-old’s shoulders. We are expected to know exactly what we want to do right when we graduate high school. I think we all have some idea, but never really know what will make us happy working for the majority of our life. There were many days where I felt ashamed for wanting to choose a different career route. There is just something about sticking with a decision and seeing it through. It’s that sense of accomplishment. But I knew if I wanted a career where I was happy and saw myself in I needed to make this change.

So after taking many, many personality and career tests, I found the root of what I wanted out of a career. I love being creative and problem-solving. Those two things can look like many different things in many different industries, so I kinda took a chance on a major that looked fun: Mass Communications. What is that you ask? This major looks a little different at each university, but at mine, it involves mostly anything that includes the media such as journalism, tv, advertising, public relations, etc. When choosing this major, you have to pick a concentration to specify what career field you would want to enter. And based on that you will learn all the skills and resources based in that field. I chose to have a focus in advertising and public relations. And boy was this a complete 360. So much so that it added a full year for me to get that diploma.

Since switching my major, I have been in love with everything about this field. I have been able to have my own radio show, start a podcast, design tons of graphics, develop strategies for marketing campaigns, and so much more. And I have been able to do that in all my classes! I really find so much joy in going to class and learning how to use my creative brain to execute campaigns for potential clients. (Cue in my love for problem-solving). I was even fortunate enough to get a job in the marketing field to really understand and gain some experience. After that, I knew this career was right for me.

I was lucky to find my purpose in this world with just one major switch. I know others who have switched their major 4 or 5 times just trying to figure out their place in the workforce. If that were me, I would be totally exhausted and completely stressed out wanting to reach the end of my academic race and trying to figure out what is the right path to get there.

We all come to college with one deadline: I am expected to graduate in 4 years or less. But the fact is that is just the amount of college hours you need to take spread out over 4 years. Who says you need to complete that in 4 years? That is something I had to come to terms with myself. I am sitting here graduating a year and a half “late” because of a major change and a global pandemic. One thing us college students start to realize is there is this thing called life. Things happen, and people change. We change. That doesn’t mean we are any less of who we are because we are not meeting the “normal standards”.

Today, I am so grateful I made that career/major change because I know I would probably regret it once I got into that career field. I know many people who wished they did what I did. And after sharing my academic journey with others, many find themselves right in my shoes. So I promise you that you are not alone.

So to answer my question, no you are not stupid. And no you are not finishing college “late”. You are finishing at your own pace. You set your finish line, and you better be damn proud when you cross it. Take it from a girl graduating the last of her friends who’s excited to finally start her career in December! And you bet that expensive little piece of paper will be my greatest accomplishment of all.

life as an mlm groupie

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disclaimer: this is my own personal opinion and does not reflect on any multi-level marketing company.

about a year ago i decided to dive deep in the world of multi level marketing also referred to as a mlm. I was and still am a college student that is trying to pay her way through many, many expenses. I saw an easy way to make money that lead to a glamorous lifestyle and thought why not. I learned so much about the “biz” and what it takes to get to the top and experienced the downside when I couldn’t make the 1%.

i bet most of you have been approached with the same type of direct message of “hey girl, love how your social media brings positivity i think you would do great in this biz!”. And that is exactly what happened to me. I knew this girl that was apart of a mlm and her life seemed to be going in a great direction. As her journey began, I saw her prospering being apart of the biz and it looked pretty legit. I am fully aware that mlm’s are closely related to pyramid schemes, which are scams to take advantage of you. You are probably thinking that they are one in the same, but I’ve come to find out not so much. A pyramid scheme is where the person that recruits you makes money for recruiting you and multi level marketing is someone recruiting you to earn a percentage of your sales. Pyramid schemes often promise high hopes, but never getting the opportunity to get there. Mulit-Level Marketing is “individuals selling products to the public – often by word of mouth and direct sales”. They find distributors which are the individuals under you to increase sales and those individuals have the same opportunity to do the same. This is what makes it multi-level marketing because you achieve different levels as you become more successful with your sales. You might be thinking why would I join something for someone to make money off my profits, but I saw the girl who wanted me to join have the opportunity and thought I could get there as well. Of course there are mlm corporations that are pyramid schemes, but with good research and sources you could find some credible ones.

i didn’t get really interested until she went to a conference that her biz headquarters put on yearly. I thought what scam would hold a conference for thousands of consultants to have workshops in the fabulous place of Las Vegas. Not long after that she messaged me asking if I were interested in the biz and sent me a little video that gave an introduction to what I was getting into. Looking back now the video was very transparent of what they job entails and then i didn’t see any red flags. Most of the time the video comes from a individual at the top of the company telling you their story on how they made it big. That’s how they persuade you in joining promising you can get to where they are and making a more than comfortable paycheck. But what usually gets people is the amount of money they would have to spend to get involved.

there is a registration fee that sets you up with all the materials that you would needs to start your business. You also get put in group chats, a Facebook group, and invited to video calls to help make sure your business is prospering. I thought this was a great way of accountability and guidance on how to do everything. What they don’t tell you at first is that you would need to buy the products at first. Their reasoning for this is to understand what you are selling which I think is pretty understandable. But the products can really add up and put a dent in your back account. They treat it as an entrepreneurship where you put in money to “invest in your business” and you would gain it back from what you sell. Which is very true, but most people do not have about $200 or more to cough up on products you probably don’t want. Most people when they start have to ask for the money elsewhere because they are very very very persuasive that you need to buy the products NOW! They suggest if you don’t have the money is to get a loan from someone either a family member or friend and pay them back later when the money comes rolling in. I went to my parents and asked if they could loan me the money and after much begging they did. I felt so bad for asking for money because at the time they were more than supporting me financially. I still feel bad till this day to ask for such a reach to make tons of money. Which is a really high reach they try to sell to you to join. When they sign you up they give such high hopes that something big will come out of it and I do think they pray on that.

being a consultant and selling products is hard. you wouldn’t think it was, but it is. Trying to convince people on why they should use these products above others was very difficult. I know one complaint from a lot of people is that the consultants don’t really know anything about the products they are selling, which is true. All they know is what they should do and what they outcome should look like. I joined a mlm that was based on healthy living and skincare. I knew how the products should be used and what the results could be. I’m not a nutritionist or aethetician who would know how the ingredients in the products would be beneficial for the individual to use. All i could do is recommend products that could help the situation they were trying to fix. A lot of people that i would reach out to either thought i was apart of a pyramid scheme or i had no credibility to be recommending the products. I got a lot of no’s and maybe’s. I really tried really hard for someone to buy something, but no one would. I would try to advertise about the products, but whenever i did it never worked in my favor. I felt like when I joined the video calls only gave me false hope of what was going to happen. I would plan out days of what i would do and who to contact, but it all lead to dead ends. I lost hope and gave up. I still continued to support the business by purchasing items that i was actually interested in. I also stayed in the group chats, but I was not active.

months started to go by and i would think of jumping back in then decided not to. I would eventually and try really hard again to only fall short to not participate anymore. I did that about 3 times throughout the year and this past April was the last try. When quarantine started in April, I thought it would be the best time for it to start again. At this point I wasn’t too worried about making money, but just selling the products. I found interest in selling the products and promoting them on my social media. I guess I really liked the marketing aspect of it. People were bored of sitting at home and started to venture around the internet to find ways of good skincare and healthy living which was right up my alley. As I began to promote the products I got a few bites, but i couldn’t hook anyone on the deal. The hesitation that people had is what made me frustrated because I was trying so hard and nobody wanted to take up my offer. The prices are what got a lot of people hesitant. I looked at these products as luxury items like you would buy expensive makeup or clothing. I think what didn’t sell people is that it was coming from a mlm company and it had no credible sources except me. As well as others who were in the same business as me. During quarantine it seemed people were also looking for another form of income and what was a better way then doing it from your phone. It seemed every other day more and more consultants would pop up on my feed of people selling what I was selling. These people would be people i knew and in the same area as me. So how is it am i going to sell to the same products to the same group of people as another girl? That’s when I decided I did not think this was for me.

i don’t think any less of the company and the people that are apart of it. Or any other mlm company that swears that it makes their life better. I truly do believe it does work for certain people. The girl that signed me up has made it to 3 out of the 4 levels you can achieve and others who came before her that has experienced the same success has shown their support for hers. That world has a community just like any other commonality or interest a human can have. So I really think company like this one can do a lot for people. Not everyone is gonna succeed in everything and I think I found I am suppose to prosper somewhere else where I am most comfortable in. I really had to step out of my comfort zone to do the things that were necessary to go far in the business. It didn’t sit right with me to suggest products to strangers to help better their life as if I saw something wrong with it. I don’t know what people are going through and suggesting products that can help with someone problems. I have personally used the products and I personally believe in them, but I am different to the next person. They might used them and it might do terrible for their skin/health. I guess I don’t like promising something to someone if I am not positive it is going to work. I understand more than ever people’s hesitation with buying products from a sole person because they can so much to sell you on the benefits, but it fall short when you use them yourself.

in no way I am criticizing this community or mlm companies. I just wanted to share my experience and my overall experience with a mlm was good. I enjoyed it, but its not for me. The amount of time and dedication it takes is not something that fits my lifestyle. I respect the girls that like this kind of work because it really does take a lot of dedication and determination. My advice if you ever showed interest into this world take interest in the products first and not worry about the luxury you can obtain. Try to focus on sharing your experience and not really trying to better other people, but a resource to help if they want it. Through this experience I was trying to create a new tomorrow and it did. I just not in the way I expected.

-sarah

here are some websites with facts on the differences between mlms and pyramid schemes

Rocking the Boat

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After a long month and a half of putting unsettling situations behind me, I have decided to collect my thoughts together. I have increasingly been feeling uncomfortable in my work place due to unwanted attention from an unwanted suitor. And my fear was to rock the boat.

It was my third job I had in my life.  I work retail.  I always loved working retail because I got to interact with people with a simple smile asking how someone’s day has been to bring them a little joy and that was uplifting.  I was hired on as a key holder which has the responsibilities of delegating tasks to sales associates and looking after the store when the store manager was away.  The hierarchy is store manager, assistant manager, key holder, and sales associate.  Being a shy person and having the authority to delegate tasks to others is quite frightening, to me.  I am always self-conscious of others feelings not wanting to upset anyone by taking authority over a situation. Not wanting to step on any toes,  I always try to watch my tone because from experience I hated when someone with authority over me either talked down to me or yelled at me in a certain way.  Going into the first day of the job I did it the same with the previous two.  Ears open, mind listening, and asking no questions to fully understand what they had to say.  Probably not the best way to train for a job, but hey that’s just how I’m wired.  Being a key holder, you learn how to open and close the store from the operational standpoint. Counting money, learning policies, making deposits, sending emails to important managers within the company, and being the go to for all knowledge of the store.  It was quite overwhelming at first with everyone coming to you with questions that you have no answers for, but I faked it till I made it. 

One of my first nights training I was learning to close the store.  My store manager paired me up with the assistant manager, who we will call Stan.  Stan was a nice guy.  He was very friendly and love to consistently make jokes.  He laughed at everything, always tried to make a situation happy.  From the beginning I got a weird vibe.  As humans that how we read people, its the first impression.  He kind of fell into the emo side of the personality spectrum, but counteracted that with a bubbly persona.  It was that night that I never thought would spiral to why I am writing this today.  After we completed the closing duties, we walked to the direction of our cars in the parking lot.  It being my first day I did not know where to park and where we exited my car was in an adjacent parking lot.  He offered my to give me a ride to my car since it was around 9:30pm in a mall parking lot (real sketch).  I agreed to that for why not? for his first impression to me was the kind guy who wouldn’t let a girl walk alone in the dark.  It did feel a little awkward by getting into a car with a guy that I did not know, but my options were limited.  He drove me to my car and right before I could get out he wanted to give me something.  In that moment my mind was going over how fast I get out of the car to get, into my car, and drive far, far away.  Then he got out his wallet to give me a business card that had his SoundCloud printed on it.  He said I should go give it a listen and if I wanted to follow his Instagram do that too.  I was totally weirded out that my new “supervisor” would want me to check out his SoundCloud and follow him on Instagram. But hey there is nothing wrong with wanting to expand your audience. I didn’t check it out. I really did not think anything of it at the time.  I was like he’s probably just trying to promote his music or trying to get more followers.  In the moment of things I do not really look deeper than what is happening, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

This happened late March 2019 and from then to now so much has happened.  Every so often when us two worked together times would get weird.  I don’t remember most of them now because I pushed it to the back of my mind taking those situations that it was his personality.  There were times where Stan would act flirtatious one minute then back to being regular coworkers the next.  I believe in a fine line between types of relationships in a workplace. With our job titles, Stan is a supervisor over me, which means our relationship would be friendly but business.  We would we talk about our lives as someone does with another person.  I talked about my friends, he talked about his friends, I talked about my interests and he talked about his interests. I was just being friendly towards him, but I guess he took my niceness as something else. 

One of the early accounts that I remember it being a slow sales day.  We both started conversations about whatever to pass the time.  We ended up on the topic of celebrities and insta fame (idk why? but not important).  His point was that everyone wanted to be famous one way or another either through the internet, acting, or fashion (uh not me).  And those who were seeking out that fame were girls who thought they were remotely even decent looking to do the job.  I stated that I wasn’t that even an interest of mine and that I was just living life posting whatever I wanted on the internet.  He began to say “Oh well that’s why I said DECENT looking girls,” while laughing trying to make this statement into a joke. Insinuating, that I was not decent looking.  I was definitely offended by his failed attempt at a joke.  I looked at him and did one of those awkward laughs blowing it off and at the same time saying “thanks for that”.  He tried to take back his comment because he could totally tell that it offended me by seeing my reaction on my face.  He was like, “Oh you know I’m just kidding when I say stuff like that.  You have to be stupid not know that you’re gorgeous,” and then the awkward silence.  At first, I took that as a simple complement. But then I thought maybe it could mean something more. It was the choice of wording he chose “you’re gorgeous”. To me I thought he might mean something more..

After that first encounter, there were instances here and there that would make me react oh okay or thanks to whatever complements he decided to tell me that day. It was not until a couple of weeks later we were working together and it was close to the time when he would be getting off of work. He thought he was getting off at 5:00pm, but I corrected him that he was mistaken that he really gets off at 5:30pm. He was disappointed for a second and I said with a jokingly smile, “Well good thing we have those extra hours!”. His face lit up and he said, “Oh stop being cute!” with a very flirtatious tone. I was caught off guard for a quick second. What was so “cute” about suggesting the extra hours? I was generally confused. How could we go from having a normal conversation to what felt like he trying to put moves on me? I could never tell if this attention was just his personality or he trying to hint to something else. Other times, he would ask to hang out when we were both off of work, but not in a way he was asking me on a date. It was more like oh look we are both off, lets hang out. I do not believe that a supervisor and supervisee should be hanging out in their spare time. I have been there a little over a month and a half and I still barely know this man. I said no to both time he’s ask me I thought making my actions to standoffish to help say I am not interest, but that plan didn’t go very well.

I got texts from him not pertaining to work, he would post comments with complements on my Instagram post, and he would tell me weird complements that would go 0-100 real quick. It wasn’t until this pass Tuesday when I had enough. School was out, I finished my finals, and I was feeling adventurous. I went and dyed my hair an outrageous color that no one would expect coming from me. I showed up for work and he was taken back by my new hairdo. About 30 minutes to an hour he came up to me and said, “I don’t want you to get an ego for this or you take this the wrong way, but you’re officially the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen.” I was dumbfounded. OFFICIALLY THE MOST GORGEOUS GIRL. I didn’t know what to say. Good thing he ran off before I could respond. Why would my supervisor say something like that to me? What did he think he had to gain?

I would guess I am writing this to express my feelings on a work relationship and to have the courage to confront him about his advances toward me. In a place of work you should be able conversate with your coworkers as you would do you close friends, but with a boundary. I should have the ability to share personal stories with my coworkers without blurring those lines between coworker and friend. Stan is my supervisor. Who was giving me complements on my appearance, asking to hang out when I am off, and confessing that I am officially the most gorgeous girl he’s ever seen. That type of behavior is inappropriate for the work place. period. I should not have to feel uncomfortable at my place of work. I should not have to physically say I am not interested. If the actions given by the suitor are not the same ones being given back the answer no. Being a women in today’s society we are constantly concerned of being harassed in this type of way or it being more physical. A lot of women have received such attention to greater scale than me. I thought it would just go away and my situation was too small. I never like to change the course of things or being the one create a new mess. But I needed to do right by myself. Today, I made the decision of bringing this situation to my boss to get it dealt with. I wrote my statement and I will find out what the next steps are soon.

With this story, I hope that anyone who feels to shy or afraid to come forward with the truth about something that is affecting you negatively. To have the courage to approach whoever and just tell them to knock it off. No unwanted act is too small. I encourage you to rock the boat because the course will not change without action. The only way to create a new tomorrow is to change it ourselves.

-sarah

rocking the boat: after thought

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so its been about a year since Stan has been in our life. looking back on the situation now i laugh. i think i laugh because of how awkward, cringy the whole thing was. of all the weird texts, complements, and comments he would say to our coworkers. some stuff still bothers me, but most of it i look at that a weird grown ass man trying to hit a a girl 10 years younger than him lol.

i shared this story in one of a podcast i did for one of my classes for school and i think speaking out on what happened gave me some closure that I didn’t know i needed. i got feedback on my story and people understood how i felt which i thought no one would. Because i didn’t see it the same as other’s experiences who were a lot worse then mine.

i am now at a different job and have someone special in my life. and you’ll never guess where i met him… at the job with Stan. yes he was my coworker, but he’s not half my age and approached interest in me like a normal human should. He actually helped me through what happened and took up for me when Stan would talk inappropriately behind my back. so i guess good things came out of that situation and that is why I always look to a new tomorrow. Because better things and greater might be waiting for you in the days to come.

-sarah